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My response was to abandon trying to intercept at the level of individual elements and instead intercept at the level of the browser’s own property descriptors. I went straight for HTMLMediaElement.prototype with Object.getOwnPropertyDescriptor, hooking the native src and srcObject setters before any page code could run:
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There are an unsurprisingly large number of jokes about Heated Rivalry from Sherman, capped off by a bit in which the two pretend to make out with each other — and the entirety of Mumford & Sons get involved too.